Dear Windsor (Finn, Winny, Finnito, Desperate for Love),
I have been putting off writing this tribute because I knew it
would be painful. But you deserve a massive tribute, a
bursting rainbow in the sky, the BEST I can give you because you
gave me so much. You were my shadow, my nighttime buddy, my
morning wake up call, my cooking companion, my driveway hello, my
front steps welcome party, my constant pal riding on my shoulder
as I clean the house. You were everywhere I was, always. 6
glorious years with my best boy.
I somehow knew in the very back of my head that you may not last.
You were too good to be true, to last for 15 years. Perhaps
the few times you were sick in the past (like in May 2016) was
Gods way of preparing me - letting me know you were fragile and to
cherish every moment. And trust me, I did. I enjoyed
every moment with you. You made me incredibly happy and I
never ever took you for granted. I knew how extraordinary
you were. I prayed for your health every night and asked God
to keep you safe.
You didn't let me know anything was wrong, you held it in, or God
spared me any drama until the very end (thank you). You lived
happily and with the loudest purr ever. Maybe you didn't
even know that a cancer was growing inside you - and I hope this
is the case. I never ever would want you to suffer in any
way, and I hope that Monday and Tuesday were the ONLY days you
felt any pain!
Saturday, April 13 you were your normal everyday self. The
next morning you ate a little bit, yowled like I have never heard
you cry before, vomited, and then never ate again. I took you in
Monday morning, and you seemed fine so they just gave you fluids
and an appetite stimulant. But it wasn't meant to be.
By Tuesday you had a fever and could barely move - you were a very
sick kitty. But I still thought that you would be OKAY. Remember
how you were sick a few times in the past with fevers and no
eating, and you always recovered. Grandma Kay paid for the
ultrasound and xrays and they called me at 1PM with the news. A
big mass, a tumor, and nothing they can do.
I know I didn't go back to the vet to be with you at your last
moments. I hope you understand that I couldn't manage that
pain. I just couldn't do it! I am so so sorry that I
couldn't save you. I worry that maybe they were wrong -
maybe the mass was something else. But you were so sick, and we
had so many tests done, and she was very confident.
I alway used to ask you when you came home from the woods, "Where
are you going and where have you been?" You were always
going home to me and you had been frolicking in the woods.
Now you going away, never to come back. I am so so sorry.
Your leaving has left me so lost and so unbelievably lonely and
sad. I always missed while on vacation and was so excited to
see you again. Even when I was away from home for a few hours, I
was always thrilled to see you on the front step. I missed you and
it was a joy to see you waiting for me! To see you bound off the
front steps and run across the grass to meet my car. And I loved
walking down the driveway to get the mail and having you rushing
to greet me after one of your adventurous hours in the woods. But
now I must go on every day without you.
I always worried about you - your food, your water bowls, cat
fountains. I always worried because you gave me signs that you
were not so sturdy and you were always skinny. I wanted so
badly to make everything just perfect for you.
I remember:
- Getting so worried when you would come home late from your
adventures outside. Calling "Windsor" at the top of my lungs
and patrolling the street looking for you. When I would find
you, it would be as you were headed back home. You would
jump in the car and ride back with me.
- Texting your babysitter Barbara 100x over vacations to ensure
you were eating right.
- Spending hours agonizing over cat food - calculating
spreadsheets on protein and carb contents, emailing
companies. I worked so hard for you!
I spent so much time with you being a mom at home. For 6
years you barely left my side, we spent hours together.
I remember YOU:
- Sitting on the edge of the counter during family breakfast,
lunch, and dinner to hang out with me.
- Siting on my bath mat every night as I took my bath OR outside
the door if I forgot to let you in
- Sitting on the bed while I sewed
- Sitting on the laundry pile as I folded
- Gently opening my bedroom door and jumping into the covers EVERY
SINGLE NIGHT and snuggling right next to me
- Bounding in to read books with Libby and I
- Giving me a purr so loud, so enormous, so gigantic, that your
body almost shook with pleasure. You were a motor that was
on 24 hours a day. You purred all day long. So happy!
- Nudging my face and my ears as I held you
- Bringing me home snakes and fun animals, but never killing them,
just showing mommy
- Giving me neck kisses with that soft nose and purring so loudly,
and those little black striped arms and paws kneading my neck
- Scratching your post with such joy every morning
- Playing with Boris, the neighborhood cat and even sneaking into
his house. But then getting mad when Boris tried to come over to
your house!
- Jumping the seeing eye dog walking in our court because it was
in your territory
- Riding on my shoulder all day
- Getting stuck in the tree in our court and yowling for hours
even when I tried to coax you down. Finally, after police
and fire department called, we hired a tree company with a bucket
truck to fetch you out. You fell 20 feet from the limb into
a blanket held by us. Saved!
- Growling at neighbor's dogs for walking on your street
- Walking on the curb with Libby home from school
- Walking with the stroller up and down the street, with your tail
head high, never straying from us...you loved walks with
Libby...
- Patrolling the grasses next to our house, sitting for hours
watching the animals
- Fighting with your brother Rocky, pouncing, batting, having a
great time
You LOVED the outdoors. The grass, the birds, the sun, the
woods, the patio. I always felt guilty going on vacation taking
away your precious time outside. When we came home, you
would immediately head for the door, and meow over and over once
outside so happy to be back. Your second to last night I
brought you outside and you were happy. Tail held high and a
bit wobbly from being sick, but you were happy. Your last
night I brought you outside again in my arms (I didn't know it was
your last night), and I tried to show you what you could come back
to once you got better. Your ears perked up and your eyes
brightened a bit. You were always happy to feel the sun and
the wind and see the sky. I am grateful you had that opportunity
nearly every day. Maybe you got sick with Feline Leukemia from
being outside, but you were vaccinated every year. I don't
know and will never know. All I know is that you loved your
outside and that is where you were happiest.
I remember nights before you died, you and Rocky sitting on the
bath mat watching my bath downstairs. Even though it was a
different bathroom, you found me. And I remember thinking
you were so beautiful, so loyal, so awesome. I looked at you
and you were happy. So I feel good you were happy so close
to your rapid downfall.
In February of this year you had that day 2 day hospital stay for
not eating and getting dehydrated. It was about 3 years
after the same type of illness in May 2016. I said I would
pay anything every few years if that is what happens to you.
But this time we only got 6 weeks after that incident - actually 5
because we went to California for a week. Every day since
your return home in February, the time was ticking and ticking to
April 14 when your cancer would finally break you. The morning of
your death you looked at me with those eyes big and wide.
What were you trying to say? I had been force feeding you
with a syringe all day and I am so so sorry as your belly was
distended. I am thankful though that you only suffered maybe
36 hours. I see your eyes now and I wish I knew what you
were telling me.
I miss you beyond words. I just miss your face and gigantic
purr.
Your life was cut way too short. You would be 7 this
month. I am sorry you never got to see your outside
again. But I am thankful you were happy to the end.
And I did everything in my power to save you, to give you the best
life. And I cherished you everyday, loved you everyday, and
showered you with attention everyday. We were
inseparable. Until the end.
I love you so much my sweet Winny. Please look for Rasky and
be together when I see you again.
Love, your Mom Jamie
Winston, 2000 -
March 8, 2019
Thank you, Winston, for gracing our lives for many, many years
with your love, companionship, humor, and intellect. Once we
saw you at the CT Humane Society at age two, we knew you were a
very handsome boy, and we were very interested in you. In the meet
and greet room, you gave us countless kisses, hugs, love-nips, and
purrs. We just had to adopt you! We have never regretted one
moment of having you be a big part of our hearts and lives.
We could not have asked for a better Boy. Now that you have
crossed the Rainbow Bridge, we will forever hold you dear.
With Love, your Mama and Papa
Woodchuck,
3/02/05 - 5/16/18
Honoring you this week for the great joy you brought to our
family. One year gone but it seems like forever. We think of you
everyday and know that your playful, happy, and sweet spirit lives
on with you. Play on, little buddy, till we meet again. Our love
for you is infinite.
Year
2019 Tributes
