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2019 Tributes

(Click HERE for Tributes posted in other years)

For pet names beginning with "A".

ANGIE, JAN 2011 - FEB 20 2019

This little girl came in to my heart and soul on 7-31-11.  I was going to foster her for a short while for the local rescue, DFW Tzus and More.  Well, after only a few short minutes, I was a foster failure.  She just immediately became home for me and I for her.  Following that we found out she had a PDA and the rescue raised the money for her to get the surgery, which we did in September of 2011, but the problem was, the surgery was unsuccessful and could not be completed because of the vessel wall being so thin.  The surgeon called me to ask if she had a home to live out whatever life she had left to which I eagerly through tears said ABSOLUTELY.

So after the first year, Angie going strong and my original vet, now deceased, told me that she could live a normal life for years, which she did......until the end started, unknowingly for me, which was a slow sit down coming back from potty break in the yard...then we rushed to the ER, blood work all came out ok, they said no cardiac failure, but we did not check pulmonary functions.....that evening we had bad runs and I had to take her back in to the ER, following a day of oxygen therapy, more tests, then another day home only to be scared the next morning as she began to swell in the tummy, rushed to a cardiologist that after 3,000 of tests said she needed another 4-6k of treatment I could never afford, then brought her home and she passed that night,early morning on 2-20-19.

BUT her life was one of the most advantaged and completely loved and spoiled little babies in the world.  She was my little TOOT I called her, and MONSTER as she would be so gregarious with her playing.  Since she was only to live a year, I never disciplined or socialized her, my bad...but oh was she a queen bee.

The ER doc said she had in all her years never seen a dog live past 3 years with a PDA and Angie lived 7.5 years.  Dr. said she would never believed it had she not met Angie.  She truly was looked over and was an Angel.  Even though the numbers and all that make me lucky to have her those years, my heart and soul are in such torment and grief stricken loss that I have never had in the years past with losing a loved pet like this.

She was the center of most everything in my life and grew up on my lap, behind my shoulder on the sofa back, or right at my feet whether we were driving in the camper to visit family/friends, or sitting home watching tv.  In all those years I slept 3 nights away from her cradled in my arm snoozing happily.

Her end is almost at times feels like my end, but I am striving to go on, and have a foster, even though it is too soon, I am trying..tears and waves of sobbing are still way too many only 5 days from losing her, and the guilt and the anguish I always seem to generate are better, but the deep loss is still an open and tearing wound.  I have lost 8 babies in 30 years, never one that passed at home from pneumonia/pulmonary hypertension like this, it is just a horror.  Every time I go back to my room I see the spot....and am trying to get past it...Prayer is a wonderful thing and I pray and hope this horrible suffering and sobbing ebbs soon..

Annie, 4/12/06 - 03/07/19

Annabel, sweet Annie.  I have cried until my eyes are raw.  13 years of you sleeping in my bed, following me everywhere, your only desire to have me hold you...your blue eyes searching mine always...gone so suddenly.  From the day I picked you up, tiny little blue eyed baby, then your sickness and worry over you, youíve had my heart.  Because you were the easiest and sweetest in a house full of high maintenance and big personality animals and people, you were often overlooked.  I regretfully admit that I brushed you off of me, literally, so many times.  My defense was that you snagged my clothes (my face, lips, ears too) with your kneading, but what I wouldnít give right now to have you snagging me. 

What a little ray of light you have been to our family.  Sweet, cuddling with other animals, willing to give anyone a chance...even a new stinky ferret who wanted to bite you or a new Doberman pup who was much less than gentle.  13 years of sleeping on my head, with your paw tucked into my hand (mostly so you couldnít scratch my face).  13 years during which the weight of you on my head grew more!  I have shared my life with so many furry friends, large and small, but I am certain that I wonít see your like again.  Perhaps because you were weaned too soon, you thought of me as your mama from the moment I brought you home. 

You have the distinction of being one of the few animals your dad actually said I could have.  You were in a cage at the vet with other kittens and you reached your paws out to grab your dad.  He left you there, but when he got home, taken with you, he called the vet and said I would be coming to get you...and here, right in our hearts, you lodged yourself so firmly, Annie. 

I am glad I got the night to hold you, and the early morning talk about one of us going on ahead of the other, but that Heaven holds promise that we will meet again.  After you were gone, my weeping raw eyes searched and asked Jesus for a sign that I would see you again.  Faithful to me, God saw my hurting heart and showed me a perfect blue circle in gray clouds, and then shortly after, a glorious colored sunset, which allowed my sobbing eyes and aching heart to calm.   I know that you know that I love and miss you, and hold firm to the promise that I will hold you again.  I hope you are being held by angels, and that it seems like a moment until I am with you again.  Dad, Lukie, and Buddy miss you...I am shattered and canít help but to look for you in all the usual places. Thank you for being my little light, my love for so many years.  You were the gentle  background music I didnít even realize was playing for so long.  I love you to infinity and beyond, Annie girl.  I will hold you again in our Heavenly home...this time for eternity, when we will live in joy forever.  Love you more than words will ever say. 

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